


Can't Connect the Dots

by PastyPirate



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Boarding School, F/M, leo centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 05:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6272197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastyPirate/pseuds/PastyPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leo Valdez is <i>smart</i> okay? He went to MIT. He had a buttload of degrees- a butt load! He built a robot and he teaches the youth of America. And okay, maybe, just maybe, he misses clues. Sometimes. </p><p>In which Leo Valdez meets the love of his life, plays in a mustang, was once in a commercial, gets a mecha dragon tattoo and is more than happy to talk during Bro Circle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can't Connect the Dots

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing another fic for this fandom, in which Percy briefly makes fun of the way that Leo starts dating Calypso. It kind of spiraled. Maybe someday I'll write the other fic (In which Leo thinks he's cupid and everyone wants him to stop) but for now I'll just post this.

Leo, at his very essence, was an _engineer_ not a detective. So, in retrospect, it was very much _not his fault._ Of course the clues were all there, he just happened to not notice. He noticed when cars were about to break down, or when plans needed to be tweaked so devices would work. He didn’t notice people. 

He did, however, notice the car. And he instantly wanted to touch the car and open it up and see what was making it smoke on the side of the road. 

“Oh my gods that is a beautiful car,” Leo said to the girl wrapped in a hoodie ten paces in front of her (literally) smoking mustang. 

“Are you making fun of me right now?” The girl shot back, her iphone reflecting light off her face. Leo ignored the tear tracks streaming down her cheeks. Her car was on fire, it was pretty car, she was allowed to cry over it. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s gorgeous, it’s just temporarily not okay. May I?” He asked gesturing to the hood. Before she could even respond he’d propped open the hood and started waving his hand at the smoke. 

“Triple A is on it’s way already,” she said from behind him, kinda rudely if you asked him. 

“Well, it’s best if your car _not_ on fire when they get here.” Leo probably should’ve taken off his teaching outfit before digging into a stranger’s car, but he only had enough sense to pull off his suit jacket and toss it onto the grass along the side of the road. 

“Seriously, guy. I’m not having a great day-” 

Leo stood up straight, the smoke trailing away as he fanned his hands, “I mean obviously, your car was on fire. You’re welcome by the way.”

“-No, not that. I mean my boyfriend and I broke up-”

“He probably will miss the car-”

“And my landlord is telling me that he can’t take my ex off the lease, so I’m getting monthly bills in his names and it’s a whole big thing and now my car is on fire.”

Leo pointed to the car, “was on fire.”

“What?” She asked, before looking over at the car, which was no longer even smoking. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. You’re welcome.” Leo said with a smirk. 

“Thanks,” she rolled her eyes, lifting the phone back up to in front of her face as if that would make Leo go away. Spoiler: it wouldn’t. 

“Now can I keep playing with the car until your friends show up?” Leo asked, pointing at the engine again. 

“My friends aren’t coming,” the girl started to speak slowly as if Leo was an idiot. “Triple A.”

“Well you can’t deal with Triple A alone, where are all your friends?” Leo turned back to the engine, leaning over to tinker more with the engine. 

“Well most of them are out west, and the only ones I have around here- well, they're really my ex's friends, sort of.” 

“At least you got the apartment.” Leo smiled into the engine, it’s quiet for a moment, just him tinkering. “Does this mean you’re going to take this beauty out west again?”

“No, I came here for work, not for him.” She says it more like she’s trying to convince herself, so Leo doesn’t say anything. “Maybe If I text-”

Either she trailed off or he didn’t hear what she said, but Leo kept messing with the engine until someone tapped him on his shoulder. 

“Ah!” Leo jumped back, “dude!”

“Sorry man, but you’re kinda doing my job.” The driver said, sheepishly. 

“Sorry bro, I couldn’t resist.” Leo stepped away from the car, moving a few paces back, grabbing his suit coat in the process, to stand next to the crying hoodie girl. He focused on rolling up his sleeves, grease smudging on the white shirt he’d _promised_ Hazel he wouldn’t get dirty, and for the first time he really looked at the girl. 

And of course, he’d spent the last hour bickering with the hottest girl he’d ever seen. With the oversized hood down, her hair was the color of the kind of candy old grandmas put in your hand and you end up eating without even realizing it. Her eyes were brown, ringed with mascara that had become a little smudged in the crying fest she had before Leo showed up to save the day. She looked like she was sad and angry all at once, like she contained multitudes and held all the secrets of the universe in her head as she stood on the side of the road. Leo knew better than to get crushes on girls who contained multitudes. 

“He’s probably going to need to take your car overnight-”

“Yep, most definitely.” The man interjected from where he was hooking the car up to be towed. 

“So why don’t you let me take you home?” Leo tried to smile in a not creepy and not aggressive way. 

“Fine, but I’m sending a picture of you to my friends in case you murder me.” Her phone was up and she snapped a photo, leaving Leo reeling in the aftermath of the bright flash. 

“What if you murder me?” He asked. 

“I guess you have to risk it,” she said as she walked towards the man to get the information about the car. 

Ten minutes later they were in a neighborhood Leo could’ve sworn he’d been to before, and outside an apartment complex that looked vaguely familiar.

(If he was Annabeth he would’ve figured it out then, but he was Leo and he didn’t.)

“I can’t believe you named your car.” 

“Festus is a national treasure.” Leo patted the wheel of his car, “he’s been in my family since before the war. He’s great.”

“The war in Iraq?” She asked, and Leo spun to look at her. 

“No, the vietnam war. This is a 1955- oh forget it.” He flapped his hands, “My dad gave it to me when I met him.”

“When you met your dad?” She asked hesitantly, as if unsure if she wanted to know. 

“Yeah, my dad didn’t know I existed until I showed up on his doorstep 18 years later. It was a fun day for everyone involved.” He patted Festus again, “the car was an ‘I’m sorry I never called your mom back or checked the expiration on the condoms’”

“Oh my gods.” The girl said, while laughing which counted it as a win. “Good night you weirdo.”

She stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind her, when Leo had the realization. “Wait!” 

He opened the door, standing up to look over the top of the car at the girl, “what’s your name?” 

“Calypso.” She shouted back, spinning around to face the door before he could respond. 

“Well my name is Leo, in case you were wondering!” He shouted after her. He settled back into the car, nudging it into drive, “Calypso, huh.”

(If he was Grover, he’d figure it out then, but he wasn’t Grover, he was Leo and he didn’t.)

He didn’t bring up mysterious Calypso at work the next day, nor did he bring it up when he went to play video games with Percy, like any good friend would do for a friend who was going through a break-up. 

Honestly, he didn’t even think about her too much that week. She only popped into his head every other moment. He’d blame the dry spell, but his dry spell had been so long he was officially a desert. 

He was definitely not thinking about her when Festus broke down. 

“Are you kidding me buddy?” Leo swung around to the front of the car, popping open the hood, “Seriously? Now?” 

It wasn’t a serious problem, just a tiny little thing needed to be repaired, just the whole engine needed to be replaced. 

“Fuck!” 

“Want me to call triple A?”

Leo spun around, whacking his head against the hood of the car. Calypso stood behind him, grinning next to her car with her phone in her hand. She wore a white flowy dress that looked more like a toga then a dress, with a leather band holding her hair back. There were no tear tracks and her makeup was flawless, which is something he knew was hard to do (he did after all, live with Silena and Piper for years. That was mostly Silena’s contribution to his life). 

“No, calling triple A is giving up.” Leo spun to look at the car again, “Although, would you mind driving me to the store?”

“Sure, let’s do it.” Calypso moved towards her car, and Leo let the hood slam down. 

“Can I drive-”

“No.” 

There was a small corner shop where everything was covered in dust and grease and the owner knew Leo by his name. The man had shouted in spanish something (the old man thought was) very complimentary about Calypso and also something that had Leo ready to do some ill-advised fighting. 

“What’d he say?”

“Something gross,” Leo’s eyes scanned the shelves, ignoring the need to impulse buy _everything_

“So are you a mechanic?” Calypso asked, picking up a tube and setting it back down, somehow managing to avoid getting grease on herself in the process. 

“No, I mean, when I was little I wanted to be a mechanic, and my mom was all ‘ah mi hijo! Someday you’re going to be the greatest engineer in the world’ but I was a little mama’s boy and I wanted to have a mechanic shop like she did.” Leo stopped, standing up straight, he never told people about his mom, no one but Piper. Calypso looked over at him, and he swiftly moved to cover, pretending to be reaching for something on the top shelf only to think twice about it and stick it back. 

“Well?” Calypso stood, putting one ridiculously gladiator sandaled foot in front of the other. 

“Well, the shop burned down and I became an engineer- a teacher, and inventor.” He moved towards the front, shooting down the old man in spanish before the man even had a chance to open his mouth and say further ‘complimentary’ things about Calypso. 

“And part-time roadside mechanic?”

“And part-time roadside mechanic.”

A few minutes later, she’s leaning on the edge of his car while he fiddles with the engine, he’s not quite sure why she’s still sticking around but he’s okay with it. They snark back and forth and trade barbs with stories. 

“I work for a chain of hotels,” She still has her phone in her hand but she hasn’t texted anyone. 

“What do you do?” Leo nudged her back so she wouldn’t get splattered, but his fingerprints end up on the edge of her white dress, “at the hotel chain I mean.”

“I manage them. But I wanted to have a little b&b in Montauk or on some ridiculously cute island.” 

“Island b&b? Wouldn’t you almost never get any customers?” He asked, she just shrugged in response. 

It doesn’t take long until his car has purred to life, but she insisted on following him home just in case the car breaks down again. 

It’s not until long after he’s waved her on from his apartment that he realizes he never got her number. All he got was the information that she wanted to run a B&B in Montauk. 

(If he’d been Hazel, he would’ve known then. But he wasn’t, and he didn’t.) 

The next time he sees her, it’s along the same stretch of road. 

“Alright, what is it this time? Did your car break down? I see no smoke.” Leo is already pulling off his jacket as he approaches. Calypso is sitting on the edge of her car, wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looking ten times more gorgeous than any woman he’s ever seen before ( _sorry Piper_ ). 

“I never properly said thank you for fixing my car,” Calypso patted the hood that she sat on, “the mechanic said you saved me three hundred dollars.”

“Well, it’s no problem, and thanks for taking me to the shop so I could fix my car.” Leo started to roll up his sleeve and saw Calypso bite her lip. “Wait a second. Is there anything wrong with your car?”

“Nope, well a tire might need to be replaced before long. They said they’re balding-”

“Yeah they are.” 

“But I wanted to take you out to coffee, as a thank you.”

If Leo had something in his mouth, he would’ve spit it out. 

“Are you asking me out?”

“Are you saying yes?”

“Yes, most definitely.” 

Because mamma didn’t raise no fool, and when a beautiful, smart and snarky woman asked you out by luring you to the side of the road, you said yes. 

“So how long were you together?” Leo asked hours later, he’s on his 3rd cup of _whatever_ and his leg won’t stop jittering. The light is playing off Calypso’s hair and she looks like something out of a renaissance painting, not a girl Leo is having coffee with on a saturday afternoon. 

“Fourish years?” She said, hesitantly.

“Fourish?” Leo repeats back, and tries to think if any girl had tolerated him for more than five consecutive weeks.

“We didn’t really start dating until college. And then, it was slow for two years. Then we were suddenly living together and engaged- wait maybe it was five years?”

“Suddenly you’re living together and engaged? Just suddenly?” It’s like picking at a scab, but Leo wants to know how things work, and relationships are just something more frustrating to understand and hard to pick apart. 

“Well it was like,” she paused, looking for the words, “we just kept thinking ‘this is what people in love do’ and it was more like going through a list and checking things off until we had grandkids and died. Then he came home from a shitty bachelor’s party and suddenly we tore up the list and threw it out. Seven. I first kissed him seven years before we broke up.”

“Huh, I’ve had one of those before.” 

“Long drawn out relationships?” 

“No, shitty bachelor’s parties.” 

(If he was Frank, he would’ve figured it out then).

Leo didn’t kiss her after the cafe thing, it was too intimidating. He wasn’t good with first kisses. But at least he managed to resist the urge to high five her or fist bump. Instead he slowly walked backwards, grinning the whole while, until he bumped into Festus and she drove off with a smile. 

He would’ve counted it as a loss or a fuck-up, but they’re almost instantly texting. It’s a mess of emojis and jokes and stream of consciousness texts (from Leo) and eloquent responses that include fancy swearing (Calypso). Leo spends half the day grinning like an idiot, and the other half texting. 

“What’s got you all giddy?” Piper asked by way of greeting when Leo finally managed to get to the teacher’s lounge without bumping into students because he wasn’t looking up from his phone. 

“I met a girl.” 

“Oh my gods.” 

“No wait, shh, this isn’t like the grocery store, I think she actually likes me!” Leo slid the phone over to Piper, who was basically his sister in all the ways that mattered. 

Piper scrolled up in the conversation, her eyebrows disappearing into her hairline as she did so. 

“Wait is this the girl with the car, the one who just broke up with someone?”

(Let it be known, that Piper had a suspicion. Leo did not.)

“Don’t worry, apparently they’d been emotionally weird for like, years or whatever. And I also don’t care if I’m just a rebound-” (that was a lie)”- she’s just so awesome and cool and she wants to run an B&B- and just, she’s just so great.”

(Piper definitely had a suspicion.)

“You guys have been texting all day, when are you seeing her again?”

Leo just shrugged in response. 

Less than five hours later he was struggling to get his keys in the door with Calypso’s legs wrapped around his waist. 

“I’m not usually like this-” Calypso said, coming up for breath as Leo did his best to handle his keys. 

“This is a judgement free zone, you can do whatever you want.” 

Apparently, whatever Calypso wants is to bite the tip of Leo’s ear, which she’d called ‘elvish’ and ‘Vulcan’ earlier in the night.

Leo, for his part, yelped and dropped his keys.

“No seriously,” Calypso said moments later when Leo overcame the greatest struggle of all mankind (his door) and lived through the greatest tragedy of his life (when calypso stood on her own feet instead of keeping her legs wrapped around him) and they stood in his sparse living room, “I’ve never gone home with a guy that I met on the side of the road.”

“Well to be fair, I’ve never taken a guy I met on the side of the road home either.” And Calypso is back in his arms, part of him is saying ‘don’t be presumptuous! Make out on the couch!’ And the rest of him is saying ‘take her to your room!’ 

“Where’s your bedroom?” Calypso asks, well breathes, into his ear, and the second voice cheers loudly, the first voice jumping in because everyone in Leo’s body is on team Leo. 

“This is just our second date.” Calypso says as Leo gently drops her onto his mattress. His mattress has literally never had anyone so gorgeous on it. His mattress has now had a validated life.

“By my count it’s definitely our fifth date.” Leo starts nudging off his boots as he counts them down on his fingers, “one, I fixed your car, super sexy date. Two, I drove you home, separate event. It totally counts. Three, you came with me to help me fix my car, such an awesome date. Four. Coffee, as everyone knows, total date activity. Five, we texted all day-”

“Texting all day does not count-” Calypso starts with a grin on her face, looking up at Leo who is awkwardly shimmying out of his shirt like she wants to eat him alive in the best way possible. 

“If you’re going to let fixing your car and driving you home be two separate dates then texting counts. And six, I took you out for drinks tonight.” Somehow he got his shirt off but not his tie, Calypso reached up and grabbed it, yanking him down. 

“We didn’t even get inside the bar,” But Leo is officially between her legs on his bed and unless she’s saying ‘no stop!’ His brain has officially frizzed out. 

“Okay so we went for a drive. I picked you up, took a detour by a lame bar and now we’re here. It counts.”

“Okay, if you say so-” Calypso cuts herself off by tugging him by his tie into another kiss. It’s the kind of kiss that makes his toe curl and he’s positive that the desert is going to be flooded in very short order. She pushed him back, staring into his eyes and the desert is just bracing for flooding while his heart clenches in his chest. He wants to look in her eyes for eternity and he’s only known her for two weeks. “I’ve only ever done this with one other guy.”

“What.” Leo shifted up, nudging her further onto the bed, where it was more comfortable, “How is that even-”

“I mean, seven years.” Calypso shrugged, “and it was three years before I even- it doesn’t matter.”

“Listen, I don’t care- I mean well obviously I care about you and I like you a lot and I know it’s only been two weeks but you’re just amazing, and if you don’t feel comfortable doing the do or the horizontal happy dance if you prefer, well then we can just lay here and cuddle and talk about our teen years or whatever.” Leo shrugged, “Also, I’ve only done this with two girls and one of them broke up with me in the middle of it-”

“Oh my gods.” 

“Yeah, the first one-” Leo pulled back slightly, sitting up on his knees, “Are you laughing right now?”

“Leo, that sucks so much!” Calypso’s words were sympathetic but she was shaking with laughter and Leo was resisting staring at her chest like a creeper. 

“I’m just trying to say that I may be the sexiest thing on earth, but I’m sensitive too about all this-” Leo gestured towards his whole body with a sweeping arm motion. “And you can’t look at my butt because I have a partial tattoo that says ‘Frank’ because of a botched bachelor’s party.”

“But I was looking forward to seeing your butt.” Calypso’s laughter finally died down, “and I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m kinda loving all this.” She gestured towards his body, before wrapping her legs around him to give him a hint. 

“Okay, well you can look at my butt- wait what?”

“I mean, I couldn’t stop checking you out when you fixed my car, and your sleeves- and then,” it was Calypso’s turn to blush, “Oh my gods, Leo. Let’s just stop talking okay?”

When she pulled him down again, they didn’t say anything that wasn’t nonsensical for awhile. 

(The tattoo thing should’ve tipped Calypso off. That one was on her.)

It's a respectable amount of time later when Calypso calls him a human furnace and kicked all the blankets but a sheet off of her. She’s nuzzled up to his side and he can see her grin in the dim light and it's the best night of his life. 

And it only gets better. 

They do make it to a bar, at some point. He got there first because he was a teacher and teachers generally got to leave work before hotel managers. A clip from a new Tristan McLean movie is blaring on the tv as Leo eats pretzels on autopilot, trying to pretend he isn't terrified she’ll just text him “lol nvm.” He's also not looking forward go pretending he didn't fall like a rock in a lake for her, trying to imagine joking about it in the morning at bro coffee circle is making him feel like someone turned up the heat to a billion degrees. 

Before he has a chance to whip himself into a frenzy, Calypso is beside him, pressing a kiss to his cheek and distracting him from the show. 

“Hey girl, hey” he says casually, like his heart wasn't just in his throat. 

“Hey! How's it going- oh is this that new Tristan McLean movie? The one where he takes in a foster kid who wants to be an actor?” She says as she stole a pretzel from his bowl, like they've known each other forever. His heart- while still beating fast- returns to his chest. 

“Yeah,” the movie strikes a little close to home, and he's been teasing Mr. McLean about it forever, “did you know I wanted to be an actor?” 

“Really?” She looks a little more confused than absolutely necessary.

“Yeah, it solved all of my problems. I could get out of foster care, have a steady income and share my winning personality with the world at large.” He crossed his arms on the bar, the T.V. was now showing Mr. McLean talking to a reporter whose face had been frozen with plastic surgery. 

“How'd that go for your?” Calypso threaded her arm through his and Leo felt like jumping up and shouting _this amazing girl wants to be casually touching me! Witness me!_

“Um, well either amazing or horrible depending on your point of view.” He chuckled, “I mean the Houston foster care system could not keep up with me. I made it to a beach in Malibu without anyone noticing. So sucks for them, but I didn't become an actor.”

“But what happened when you got to Malibu?” Her hand moved to hold his, as if he needed to be reassured because he slept on a beach in Malibu for a week. People _dreamed_ of spending a week sleeping on a beach in Malibu.

“I met this girl, she was in the process of convincing a dude to give her a veggie dog and I was hungry, so I went up and pretended that we were old buddies. She got the hint and got me a free hot dog too but we had so much fun messing around with hot dog guy- anyways. The next day she came back and taught me how to surf and she ended up convincing me I should stay with her dad and her. But she never actually got around to telling her dad-who was like this huge famous actor- about me. I think I was there a week before he caught on.” 

Calypso is staring at him with a half smile and her eyes are looking a little more wet than normal, so he barrels on “long story short, he adopted me and even got me a spot in a commercial to prove how horrible acting was. Which worked, I hated it and went to school to become an engineer.” 

“Who's the actor?” She asked, instead of saying something lame like _aw you're so brave!_ his eyes flitted up to the screen where mr McLean has one leg over another and is clearly telling a story Plastic Face finds amazing. 

“How do I know you don't just want me for my Hollywood connections?” Her foot, wrapped in her gladiator sandals nudges his leg. 

“I totally just want you for your body and your winning personality,” she's grinning as she steals another pretzel. 

He shot her a look, before grinning and saying the magic words “prove it.” 

Having sex in festus (which he hadn’t even considered before that point) seems wrong, and the mustang for all it's power and sexiness is only spacious enough for him to get a blowjob which doesn't seem fair even if it was her idea. 

So he takes her home, during the drive back to the bar to pick up her car in the morning (caravaning to his place honestly did not occur to them) she holds the hand that's resting on the stick shift. 

He doesn't stop smiling as he picks up Jason, nor as they do the early morning coffee run, nor as he’s chugging down the first of many coffees. 

“Calm down you heathens!” Leo says with a wide grin as he lets his fellow teachers snatch coffees off the trays. “Don't burn me-”

“What's gotten into him?” Frank asked Jason over leo’s head as the teachers disperse, leaving behind what Leo called “the bro circle” (“we’re not calling it that,” Nico had said once as Percy said “awesome.”) 

“Morning sex.” Jason replied with a nod, and instantly Frank is wishing for death, Leo can see it in his eyes. Frank _hated_ when they talked about sex over coffee. 

“Really _good_ morning sex!” Leo wouldn't go into the dirty details because a. Women didn't deserve to be treated as sexual exploits and b. Frank’s head would explode. 

“Awesome,” Nico deadpanned. Which is why Leo loved him. 

“Yes it _was_ awesome, which you know if you'd ever had sex-” 

“I am not a virgin-” Nico said through gritted teeth. 

“Okay if you'd had morning-” Leo started to amend.

“Oh my gods” Frank butted in.

“I know it's hard to believe Frank, but people have sex at different times of the day-” 

“We are not talking about my sex life-” 

“You'll get there buddy,” 

“I'm _married_ ”

“I don't think I’ve ever had morning sex- well the morning after I won the Olympics-” Percy did his duty as tenuous peace keeper by cutting in. Instantly Leo started contemplating how sad Percy’s life was because what did it matter if you won the Olympics but almost never had _morning sex_.

“Doesn't count- that's Winning the Olympics sex.” Jason paused, before frowning, “I didn't get to have winning the Olympics sex.” 

“You haven't had sex in-” Leo paused counting quickly, Jason had won the Olympics while Leo was in graduate school, but before he built his robot “- three years?” 

“Well I've had sex but it was normal sex. Normal sex with an Olympian.” He and Percy fist bumped at that, like they always did when their gold medals were brought up. 

“Was it a direct result of you winning the Olympics?” Nico asked, his eyebrow arching upwards.

Jason hesitated, thinking back “Probably?” 

“Olympic sex with an Olympian.” Percy said with a wider grin, his hand going for a high five that Jason quickly met.

“Anyways! In a subject that is not sex-” Frank tried to cut in to change the topic, it never worked, it was kind of sad. 

“Percy saw his ex’s car in a bar parking lot at 6 in the morning.” Nico butted in. 

“That's still about sex!” Frank squeaked in indignation, which was hilarious because Frank was an ex-Canadian Armed Forces and was built like a tank.

“We don't know that! Maybe her car broke down a lot!” Leo added helpfully. 

“It did apparently break down a few weeks ago. She asked me to come get her but found someone else before I could respond.” Percy said, nodding. 

“See? Probably car trouble.” 

(If Leo had been Piper, the suspicion would've been confirmed) 

_I’ve found it_ comes the message as Leo is strolling across the field towards the dorms. 

_Found what?_ Leo responds without even trying to stop the stupid grin from spreading on his face. 

Calypso responded with a youtube video, the still under the play button chills him to his bones. 

“Oh no.”

In the middle of the soccer field he clicks the link and almost instantly regrets ever bringing up his first Malibu adventure. 

Fifteen year old Leo, a scrawny mess, appears on the screen playing an eleven year old, an _eleven year old_ (the injustice still strikes so close to home) with a brand of yogurt that is now defunct. 

“When John wants a snack” The ominous narrator says, as Little Leo runs around a soccer field missing his mark and generally sucking at soccer, “John goes for the gold!”

The last shot is him, eating yogurt and smiling up at an actress who had nothing in common with him but their ethnicity. 

“Oh my gods.” Leo moans under his breath, “why is this even on the internet?”

Calypso sends him a flurry of texts messages and he almost feels the need to cry. 

_Tell me the truth, you loved it too much and you flew too close to the sun, that’s why you quit acting_

_you were so tiny! You didn’t say you were 11 when you moved to Malibu_

_so small_

_so precious_

She sends a snapshot of his wide almost manic smile as he held the yogurt aloft along with the message _this is your contact photo in my phone now xoxoxoox_

“Oh no.” Leo quickly typed out a message, _VETO btw I was 15_

_15?!?!? I DEMAND PROOF._

Leo just groaned, walking towards the dorm, _I demand proof or a current photo, you’ve got crazy eyes in this pic and I instantly regret this decision._

Leo responds by sending her an extreme close up of his face, his eyes wide and glaring into the camera with the caption across the front that says _You can take a better photo later_

The only response he got was a stream of emojis that involved smile or laughter or clapping hands. 

“Alright my man, time for you to go out and live your life!” Leo said as he stepped into the dorm dad’s room to find Percy spread out on his bed. “What the hell?”

“My ex came by to drop off all my mail,” Percy pointed to the pile of mail in the corner. Leo’s phone vibrated in his hand but he was such a good friend that he ignored it momentarily to nudge percy’s legs to sit next to him on the bed. “You know how when you break up, you just miss being with a person?”

“Dude, maybe you should talk to Jason about that, none of my breakups were with people I was with for ten years.” Leo leaned back, tucking his cell into his pocket. 

“No I mean, I don’t miss-” Percy sat up, and gestured wildly, “-I don’t miss the relationship stuff, like the sex and the cuddling and all that stuff because it wasn’t- not that it was bad it just wasn’t” Percy groaned and flopped down. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not eloquent. It’s very weird.” Leo patted Percy’s legs, “not like you’re a poet or anything. Just normally you’re better at words.”

“I miss our friendship. I miss being friends with her. I miss being able to tell her funny stories that only she’d find funny. Like about hotel owners who accidentally walk into BDSM parties with a tray of cookies.” Percy flailed again, “but there’s all this stuff now! We were together so long. How do you be friends with someone who has seen your junk?”

“I dunno.” Leo folded his arms, “All the girls who have seen my junk very quickly do not want to be anywhere near me again.”

“I told her I wanted to be friends again and that I hated not speaking to her.” Percy said, side stepping Leo’s comment. Obviously this wasn’t going to be a joint pity party. 

“Does she want to be friends?” Leo asked, he tried to imagine dating someone for ten years and then not being with them any longer. 

“She said that she needs some time, but we should hang out in a couple weeks as friends like we used to, before-” he shook a hand “everything.”

“Did you use to be good friends with her?” 

“Oh yeah, We’d go out with Rachel and Annabeth and Thalia- I met her when I was going to an all girl’s school-” Percy held up a hand, “-don’t even. And we’d do stuff, like laser tag and bowling.”

“Tell me the truth, were you one of the girls?” Leo asked, before putting on an exaggerated gasp, “did you have a sis circle?”

“No! Leo, we were friends. The four of us and Grover when he could get down to the academy.” Percy shrugged, “we were always good friends, we just made the mistake of thinking that we could be more than that. And I don’t want to lose our friendship because of it. But I don’t want to get back together with her or keep her away from meeting the man of her dreams, a guy who will actually make her happy.”

“Okay well, it seems like your heart is in the right place, so buck up buckaroo. It’s going to work out well in the end.” Leo nudged Percy’s chin with his fist, while grinning widely. “No seriously, don’t worry about it. You both need time but I’m sure you’ll find a way to make it work.”

“Thanks Leo,” Percy covered his face, and Leo just grinned. 

“Now go be a slut with Jason! I have to text the girl of my dreams while being a responsible adult and covering for your ass. Shoo!” Leo got off the bed, tugging Percy up as he did so. Leo plopped down in the desk chair and half listened to Percy rattle on about his plans as Leo checked his phone. 

_in all seriousness, I was having a shitty night and you cheered me up with your small commercial self_

Calypso had attached a selfie where she was trying to make a funny face, but she just looked adorable, did she even _try?_ Or did the powers that be just make a perfect woman and spun her out into the world? 

“Oh dude, can you stick that back on my desk please?” Percy asked as he pulled down a sweater over his undershirt. Leo leaned down and picked up a letter that’d been addressed to Percy with another address. The street name sounded familiar, but Leo had always been bad with remembering names, he’d always been better at finding his way by tracing his steps. That’s how he’d been able to pick up Calypso a week before when she’d asked him to go out for drinks after work. She’d been the first girl that didn’t find it creepy that he didn’t ask for her address. 

Leo tossed the letter onto the stack of mail on the desk, kicking back and waving bye to Percy as he went back to texting Calypso. 

(If he had been Nico, he would’ve known by now.)

“Okay we get it!” Nico says nearly two weeks later during Bro Circle “you're in love and you're getting laid.”

“No one has said anything about love” Leo shot back, scandalized.

They all respond in high pitched voices which Leo took offense to on so many levels.

“Oh my gods she's so smart” 

“She helped me reassemble a lawn mower” 

“She's not afraid to get her hands dirty!” 

“Okay you're all assholes and my least favorite people on the planet.” Leo said, snagging an unclaimed coffee from Percy who was just ginning. 

“Let's meet her! Let's do a thing tonight.” Percy said, a little more loudly than usual. 

“Percy just wants to be distracted because it's official. The ex has moved on.” Jason supplied helpfully. 

There was a chorus of apologies and sympathizing, to which Percy just shook off. 

“It's okay, I want her to be happy and we can be friends eventually-” 

“How’d you find out?” Leo asked, morbidly curious. 

“A mutual friend of ours saw her ‘practically making out’ with some ‘swarthy dude’ in a price rite.” Percy shrugged, aid quotes helping him talk, “also apparently the mutual friend isn't a good friend if the first thing she does is immediately call me to rag on some dude who is clearly making her happy.” 

“Aw man, that sucks. Price rite has such good deals.” Leo would know, he'd stopped by last night on his way home with Calypso. He tried to think if he saw any swarthy dudes hanging over an Annabeth look alike (because let’s be real, Percy has definitely been in love with Annabeth for years and the girl _has_ to look like Annabeth). 

“It doesn't matter! Let's do a thing!” 

“Yeah! Bowling!” Leo shouted in response.

They all groan at the suggestion but no one offered an alternative. So once again, Leo won by default. 

(Let it be known that only Percy and Leo would not have figured it out by then, but Percy would have at least been suspicious.) 

“That's weird,” Calypso said, lounging on Leo’s couch a he struggled to find that stupid screw that rolled away from him when he’d been repairing a toy for one of his 8th graders. 

“What is it?” Leo asked from all fours on the floor, she nudged his butt with her foot. He yelped and sat upright. 

“So sorry! I forgot!” Calypso slid off the couch and rubbed Leo’s butt, once again, with apologetic phrasing but a wide grin as she gave his butt a gentle squeeze. Just the night before he’d gotten the “FRA” covered with a mechanical dragon because _how cool is that._

“I can't believe how obsessed you are with my butt.” He said, letting her low-key fondle him. 

“It's a nice butt. And I know nice butts.” 

“Is it a better butt then your ex?” He asks because he secretly hates himself and wants to torture himself. 

“Well he had a muscular butt, he was an Olympian you know-” (somewhere far in the distance a theoretical Piper is crying because Leo is _stupid_ ) “-but your butt is more grabbable.” Leo doesn't care that her ex is an Olympian because she likes his butt more, take that Jason and Percy! 

(Theoretical Piper is now screaming but it doesn’t even blip on Leo’s radar.)

She punctuated the statement by grabbing his non-tattooed side, a little more harsh than gentle. 

“Alright, hands off the merchandise, we have no time to get distracted now. It’s bowling time! Wait, what's weird?” He asked, standing up and helping her to her feet. 

“I just got a text from my ex-” at Leo’s face she laughed, “not that kind of text. We agreed that we’d be friends. And apparently he's going out with a bunch of friends. Some of which were mutual friends and - he said it's something he would've invited me to if we were just friends and he wants to be friends again” 

“Okay,” Leo shrugged, mysterious Olympians that she had an amicable break up with weren't at all intimidating. “Well if you want-” 

“No I already told him that I have other plans.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a quick kiss “I told him I was meeting my boyfriend’s friends.” 

Leo smiled at that, “I'm your boyfriend?” 

“Well,” Calypso rolled her eyes “I spend every night with random dudes I met on the side of the road. But you’re kind of my favorite.” 

“Aw, I can’t believe I managed to get you to call me your boyfriend before I won you over with my sweet bowling skills.” Leo teased, pulling her into a kiss, “Okay maybe we should just stay-”

“Nope! Couples bowling!” She smacked his butt and ran out of the room, with him hot on her heels. 

The conversation circles back to their status as a couple as they walked into the bowling alley. 

“I can’t believe it, I have a girlfriend-” Leo said, pointing with his free hand down at the hand that was currently being held by Calypso, “I’m walking hand in hand with my girlfriend so she can meet all of my friends. This is amazing. Miracles do happen.”

“Will you stop?” Calypso nudged him, “I’m nervous enough about meeting your friends without you being weird.”

“My girlfriend is nervous about meeting my friends! Unparalleled.” Leo shook his head, “I can’t believe it, I, the awkward one, has a girlfriend while Percy and Jason are both single. And I mean, Frank’s married and Nico has a huge crush on Will- oh shit I hope Will isn’t coming he’s too good at bowling.”

“Percy?” Calypso yanked Leo’s hand, pulling him to a stop so he could look down at her, her eyes were wide with shock “Did you say Percy?”

“Calypso?” Comes the perplexed voice of the aforementioned Percy, standing with the rest of the group who were now all looking at Leo who was holding hands with his girlfriend. Leo looked from Calypso to Percy, who apparently knew Calypso’s name. “I thought you couldn’t make it?”

“Nooooo” Leo said lowly, “oh nooo.”

“I KNEW IT!” Piper yelled from the background, before high fiving Hazel, “Fuckin’ called it!” 

(That, that is when Leo figured it out.)

“Oh no, oh no no” Leo muttered under his breath, pacing, “I am not equipped to handle this at all.”

“You’re the least equipped to handle this.” Piper paused, before shooting a look towards Nico, “I mean, second least.”

“Hey, I would never be so stupid.” Nico shot a look over his shoulder, the whole group followed his gaze towards Percy and Calypso at the bar, who were talking quietly. 

“Oh no, dude. No. I broke the bro code on so many levels- I am not SWARTHY.” Leo spun around to face Annabeth who looked like she was fighting back the urge to laugh. “How could this have happened?”

Leo paused for a moment before collapsing onto the ground, “I bragged about the sex so much, so much!”

“Well, Leo, how the hell have you never met Percy’s ex? You’ve worked with us for two years.” Annabeth looked over her shoulder, the whole group looked over at Percy and Calypso (even Leo who had to sit up to do it). Percy looked up and all eight of them looked in different directions. 

“This is just, oh no.” Leo muttered, shooting a glance at Hazel and Frank before looking over at Will. “What do I do?” 

“Talk it out, come on, tell us what you’re feeling,” Will said helpfully, leaning forward to adjust Nico’s cast slightly, “let’s start at the beginning, how did you not know that you were banging your best friend’s ex girlfriend.”

“Dude! That is not my fault! Percy has like, never said her name.” 

“You spent an hour talking about her at my bachelor’s party-” instantly Leo made a hushing motion, interrupting Frank to point at Hazel, Piper and Annabeth who sat clustered together, “oh calm down. Percy was talking to you about her as you got your tattoo.” 

Hazel, Piper and Annabeth looked in tandem at Leo, “He didn’t say her _name_ , just- other stuff.”

“Well, did you guys talk about your friends?” Hazel asked politely. 

“In the abstract! I mean, you know, ‘today my friend got his cast off,’ that kind of stuff.”

“What about where you grew up?” Piper asked, “didn’t you know that Percy went to school with her?”

“Well I knew that she’d gone to an all girls school in Long Island, she didn’t mention that Percy did?”

“Well did she mention anything about Percy?” Annabeth asked, prodding him further. 

“Well she said that my butt was better-” Nico laughed at that, which, _rude_ “-and that he’s an olympian.”

“How many Olympians do you think live in Long Island?” Jason asked, his voice perfectly conveying _dude, you fucking idiot_

“I don’t know, it’s a very densely populated island!” 

“How many Olympians do you know, who also happen to be teachers and recently went through a break-up with someone that they’d been together with for a really long time?” Nico prodded, “Did they give you different time spans and that was enough to throw you off?”

“Okay!” Leo said, to avoid the fact that the different time spans had definitely thrown him off, “I get it! It’s stunningly obvious in retrospect! But in what universe would a girl who was into all that-” he pointed towards muscular and smart and funny percy before gesturing to himself, “-be into all this?”

“Oh honey,” Piper said, getting up to give Leo a hug. “Apparently this one.”

She stroked his hair for a moment before holding him at arm’s length. “Also what tattoo?”

“Hey,” they all spun around to face Percy, “um, Leo? Could I talk to you for a moment outside?”

Leo’s eyes traveled over Percy’s shoulder to look at Calypso sitting at the bar. She made a shooing motion before turning back to her drink. 

“Yeah, okay.” Percy was already moving towards the door, so Leo turned to follow him, before snapping back and stealth whispering to Piper “Avenge me!”

The air outside is cool, fall is finally in the air and Leo was going to die before he got to see Christmas, because he broke the bro code so hard it wasn’t even a code anymore. It was a smattering of letters on a floor somewhere soaking in a pool of vodka.

Percy leaned against his reasonable prius- not the kind of car Leo would’ve thought a 2 time gold medal champion would have- and Leo moved to stand in front of him.

They stood quietly for a moment, awkwardly waiting for the other one to start talking. 

Leo was always more than happy to talk when things got awkward. 

“I’m of two minds on this, one, dude I broke the bro code and I’m so so sorry. But also two, I had no idea and she’s kind of amazing and perfect and wonderful so it’s really hard to feel guilty when the last few weeks have been the best of my life.” It was sad, to feel so attached to someone he’d met less than a month ago. 

“Dude, I could care less about the bro code-”

Leo gasped and took a step back. 

“I mean, you’re obviously not in violation of the code, this is a loophole, you clearly had no idea that Calypso was my ex.” Percy sucked in a breath, and a malicious glint shone in his eye “I mean, is it kind of weird that I now know that the girl who taught you the ways of having sex standing up is the same girl who took my virginity? which we did standing up, by the way.”

“Oh why. Percy why would you say that?” Leo groaned.

“Yes, it’s very weird. Let’s let that sit for a moment.” 

“Oh no, let’s never let it sit.” Leo hadn’t thought twice about it at the time, sex standing up was still a novelty, frankly sex itself was still a novelty. Let alone doing it in ways that Leo wasn’t sure he was actually strong enough to accomplish. He’d bragged so much about it. _So much_.

“I mean it’s weird. Yeah, but it’s also, it’s okay.”

“It’s very much not okay.” Leo said, mind scrambling to erase the image Percy in his place. “This is the worst. Also who the hell loses their virginity while standing?”

“Listen, Calypso and I didn’t have sex for like,” Percy thought for a moment, counting on his fingers “six months before we broke up. And I honestly didn’t even think about that until just now. And I’m pretty positive you’ve had more sex with her in the last month then we’ve had in the last two years. Also it was in a broom closet so we kind of had to stand up.” 

“How- two years?” Leo asked, before repeating, “How is that even possible?”

“We were never- we weren’t passionately in love with each other, or passionately anything. We were good friends who thought mild attraction meant something more, and confused being platonic with being romantic.”

“Being platonic with being romantic?” 

“Yeah, that’s what Rachel told me when I told her about the break up.” 

“Oh that makes more sense.”

“Calypso and I were just friends, really good friends, who had a lot of sex and were engaged to be married. But we didn’t make each other happy. I don’t think I’ve ever made her laugh so hard she had to pull over the car-” which Leo had a week earlier, “- and I never walked into walls while texting her.” 

Leo frowned, trying to imagine not being stupid over Calypso’s texts. He couldn’t, he loved them, he was falling for her. There was nothing platonic about their relationship. 

“Do you know what the funny thing is?” Percy was grinning, which frankly made Leo a little more than nervous. 

“What?” 

“Do you remember Frank’s bachelor party?” 

“No.” Which was true. The night ended with a tattoo on his ass and Nico in a cast, but he only had the barest of recollections. 

“When we showed up at the tattoo parlor, you were so ready to get Frank’s name on your ass- which we all tried to convince you not to do by the way- but you made such a convincing argument. You were talking about how you and Frank didn’t get along when you first met, and then you had that huge fight in the auditorium before that anti-drug seminar we had a couple years ago, and then all the sudden you were best friends. And by being friends with Frank you had become a better person. You wanted to get Frank tattooed on your ass to show that your friendship changed you for the better. Then you turned to me and asked me if I wanted to get my fiance’s name tattooed on me and I realized that I most definitely did not.”

“So? That’s just common sense. I woke up with 'FRA' on my ass.” 

“Yeah but, I’d never felt that passionate about Calypso- not once. If you’d asked me when I was 18 and we’d just gotten together- I’d still say no.” Percy shrugged, “I love her, but I love her in the same way I love Grover, Tyson, Frank, Jason-”

“Not Annabeth though” Leo muttered, because he made horrible decisions. 

“What?” Percy asked, slightly confused. 

“What.” _and ten points to Leo for the recovery_ he thought, mentally fist pumping.

“Anyways, while I was holding your hand for the tattooing, we were talking and I realized that I just didn’t want to be with Calypso. And I broke up with her the next day.”

“Are you telling me, that you broke up with Calypso- who by the way is heaven personified- because of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you make horrible decisions. She’s fantastic and you should have worshiped the ground she walked on.” 

“I don’t think she’s my FRA tattoo, but she’s yours.” 

“We are not likening Calypso to an ill advised tattoo.” 

“I meant it when I said I just wanted her to be happy. And she’s happy with you.” Percy reached out and patted Leo on the shoulder. Leo, for his part, had been lulled into complacency. 

“With that said,” Percy pulled Leo in close, clenching Leo’s shoulder, “I’ve known that girl since I was fifteen and if you make so much as a tear drop from her eyes only Grover will know where the body is and that will be because he helped me bury you.”

“Holy shit Percy!” Leo squawked as Percy let go of him and walked into the bowling alley. “What the fuck?”

“Also I reserve the right to make fun of you for a long time about this.” Percy shouted over his shoulder, and Leo just nodded in response. 

“Damn bro.” Leo muttered, massaging his shoulder as he walked in. 

(Clovis would still be in the dark, but he likes it in the dark, that’s where he sleeps.)

“This saves me the effort of having to introduce you to all of my friends.” Leo muttered much later, after Will had demolished all of them at bowling. Nico had definitely been drooling over him at some point, but he couldn’t bowl until his cast was off anyways. 

“How come I never met you? And is Piper the Malibu friend?” Calypso was wearing the kind of shorts that showed a lot of thigh but went up past her bellybutton. Instead of her gladiator sandals she wore a pair of brightly colored shoes and a long sweater. She curled up into his side and he wanted to stay there forever. 

“Yeah, she is.” Leo thought back to all the events that he’d miss to spend time with his older half brother, or when he was working on his robot. How the morning after Frank would say, ‘aw you missed it! Even Percy’s girlfriend was there!’ And he’d think _who cares about a girlfriend, I have a robot my friend_. “It doesn’t matter.”

He wrapped his arm around her, watching as Will decimated Percy again. 

“So,” Piper said, definitely popping out of nowhere. “Tattoo?” 

“It’s so cute now!” Calypso said for Leo, “he got the FRA covered up.”

“You mean my mark of friendship is no longer on you?” Frank responded from the other side of the benches. 

“You guys have ruined the secrecy shrouding the best bachelor party of all time-”

“We still have no idea why Nico’s elbow is broken or why Percy immediately-” Annabeth started, but Percy coughed loudly to drown her out. Which was totally subtle and not at all obvious to everyone involved, as far as Leo was concerned. 

“Yeah, show us the tattoo!” Hazel said clapping before pausing, “wait it’s not on your- it’s not below your belt line is it?”

“Well, Hazel is embarrassed, I’m forced to show you all my butt.” Leo only nestled in further into the uncomfortable bench. 

“That’ll end well, ‘Local shop class teacher moons bowling alley.’” Nico said dryly from where he sat on the table. 

“That is an awful headline, ‘Shop teacher-’ er. I’ll come up with something.” Will moved away from the platform and towards the group huddled on the benches. 

“Friendly reminder, Calypso thinks Leo’s butt is better than Percy’s.” Jason said, poking Leo in the cheek, which just made Leo smile wider.  
Nico let out another burst of laughter at that. 

“Wow, Calypso, words hurt.” Leo could tell Percy was joking because Leo was still alive. But that was definitely going to come back up in the near future. 

“Do you want to know what’s really funny?” Calypso asked, obviously trying to change the subject. 

“What?” Leo shifted to look at her, kind of impressed with his luck re: getting the most amazing girl in the world to cuddle with him. 

“The first day we met? When you were giving me a lift home? I was going to send your photo to Percy.” 

“What?” Piper asked, shifting in her seat. 

“Yeah, Leo offered to drive me home, but I was worried he’d end up being a serial killer so I was going to send his photo to Percy to use if the cops had to investigate, but then he was such a _nerd_ I just-” she shrugged, “I just kept his photo in my phone and didn’t bother to send it.” 

“Aww. So cute.” Jason said, before turning to Leo, “show us your butt.” 

“No seriously! Fate works in mysterious ways.” Hazel nodded solemnly as she spoke. 

“Yeah, I made it his contact photo-” she paused, shooting a grin up at him, “before I swapped it with a screencap from his commercial.”

The pause was loaded, Jason and Percy both looked like they had won another gold medal, Piper’s eyes widened. 

“Who wants to see my butt!” Leo shouted, sitting up as they burst into laughter. 

Leo might not be the world’s best detective, but he has a tattoo of a mecha-dragon on his butt and that has to count for something as far as he’s concerned.


End file.
